麻煩各位大大幫我檢查這段話的文法有無錯誤,
如果有的話再PO上更改後的....
麻煩了~~~
Thank you so much.
I agree with the statement because of the following two reasons. First, I suppose a school may lose elite because of racial discrimination. For example, if there is an exceptional student preparing hard for the admission to a university, however, the school administrator or president doesn’t allow his admission since he belongs to a minority, then I think the school will lose an opportunity to cultivate a hardworking and promising student. Second, I think people are born equally, so it is not fair at all for people of certain races when the acquisition of admissions to university is determined according to races. Especially for those who work hard and perform well, I think they should have the same opportunity to be cultivated and that they should not be denied because of their races.
Update:
事實上,我是針對我們老師給我們的題目要寫一段essay
而這個題目如下:
The admissions to university should be completely based on meritocracy, regardless of the applicant’s races. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Provide specific reasons and evidence to support your arguments.
如果有的話再PO上更改後的....
麻煩了~~~
Thank you so much.
I agree with the statement because of the following two reasons. First, I suppose a school may lose elite because of racial discrimination. For example, if there is an exceptional student preparing hard for the admission to a university, however, the school administrator or president doesn’t allow his admission since he belongs to a minority, then I think the school will lose an opportunity to cultivate a hardworking and promising student. Second, I think people are born equally, so it is not fair at all for people of certain races when the acquisition of admissions to university is determined according to races. Especially for those who work hard and perform well, I think they should have the same opportunity to be cultivated and that they should not be denied because of their races.
Update:
事實上,我是針對我們老師給我們的題目要寫一段essay
而這個題目如下:
The admissions to university should be completely based on meritocracy, regardless of the applicant’s races. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Provide specific reasons and evidence to support your arguments.
All Comments
有點不知道怎麼改..因為有些不懂..
灰色字: 不必要ㄉ字
灰色底: 邏輯錯誤
紅色: 文法
藍色: 改正
綠色: 註解
兩大段灰色底的部分是因為意思上的不夠周全. 文章如果意思不順 不符合邏輯, 文法對又如何呢?
你的兩個論點
1. 種族歧視造成學校人才流失...( okay)
a. 有個學生很用功 用功不代表學校要入取他.
b. 學生招到拒絕因為他是少數民族? 哪個國家是少數民族? 被歧視的通常都不是少數民族..中國人, 韓國人, 中東人, 印尼人, 非洲人? 哪一國是少數民族呢??
2. 人皆生而平等 所以不該種族歧視?? ( x )
一篇好的文章應該是有說服力的, 而非 因為A 所以不能 B
應該說, 因為A, 所以B 會怎樣.. 基本上 你的第二段並沒有解釋 為何人生而平等 所以不該被種族歧視...
ps: 第二段可以改成 校園裡的種族歧視會影響校內學生的團結以及對於學校的榮譽感, 並且影響將來的就業機會 ( 學長不會提拔非同種族的學弟) 參考看看..
當然 如果這篇文章只是草草交作業就算了..那我再只針對文法幫你改完吧..以後發問要記得說 文章的最終目的..才知道要改的程度.. 先這樣囉
圖片參考：http://tw.yimg.com/i/tw/blog/rte/smiley_23.gif